Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year From International Trade Law News and Letter to Santa Regarding Possible Compliance Violations

December 21, 2012 Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year From International Trade Law News and Letter to Santa Regarding Possible Compliance Violations

Season's Greetings and Happy New Year to all of our loyal readers and clients around the world. See you in 2013. 

In the spirit of the holiday season, and back by popular demand, below a letter to Santa regarding a number of alleged violations of import, export and other laws and regulations. 
—Doug Jacobson 
Letter to Mr. Claus from ScroogeMcGrinch  By Dennis Salvey, Trade Compliance Manager of iDirect Inc. (reprinted with permission)

DearMr. Claus,

Weregret to inform you that your annual distribution of toys and gifts will notbe permitted to proceed this year due to multiple Trade Complianceviolations. Each of the below listed “alleged” violations are under reviewand until each is resolved, your gift-giving enterprise is suspended from itsnormal course of surreptitiously sliding up and down chimneys.
1.  The Office of Export Enforcement (OEE) has opened an investigationregarding the potentially illegal exports of toys and gifts from the U.S.without the proper export licenses, customs declarations or documentation. TheExport Administration Regulations (EAR) clearly defines an export as being themovement of goods, services, toys, gifts or technology from the U.S. toany other country by any means including reindeer powered sleighs. Thereis no exception for Magic, as your voluntary disclosure alludes to.
2.   OEE isalso considering placing 2 of your cohorts on the Denied Parties List. Donderand Blitzen are suspected of diverting toys and gifts into embargoed countriesfor the nefarious purpose of bringing joy to the world. Vixen may also be namedas an accomplice. Dancer, Prancer and Comet’s alibi of being contestants onDancing with the Stars during the time of the alleged incident is holding upfor now. Incidentally, Interpol has some questions for you concerning two of yourknown alias’ Father Christmas and Kris Kringle.”
3.   Incorrectapplication of Incoterm© DDP (Delivery Duty Paid) has resulted in millions ofgifts held by Customs agencies around the world as you are not a registeredimporter in any country in which you do business.  Although all of your customers (recipients)wanted to receive those gifts, not one of them was willing to act as theImporter of Record. The exception was little Billy Johnson of Des Moines Iowawho attempted bribing a customs official with a box of candy canes and nowfaces 5 years hard labor in Santa’s workshop on an FCPA charge. The total finesfor storage by the respective Customs agencies are in the gazillions of dollarsand must be paid before the gifts can be returned to the North Pole at yourexpense. Be advised that when paying fines in the currency of board games,only Monopoly and the Christmas Game currencies are acceptable.
4.   TheAirwaybills used on your last 400 delivery episodes issued by “Fairy LandAirlines” is very questionable. It turns out that the dimensional weight versusthe actual weight is impossible to calculate. In addition, the North Pole isnot recognized as a valid Country of Origin.
5.  Speakingof Country of Origin, you claim that all of the material used in the making ofevery gift as well as all of the labor is a direct product of the North Pole.The World Customs Organization cannot verify that the materials needed to makeall of these gifts could conceivably come from the North Pole. The criteria of “Grown,Produced or Manufactured in a specific country” used to determine origin is anabsolute, international law does not recognize “Magic” as part of thesecriteria. They are also looking into unfair labor practices brought before theworld court, by a group known as the International Little Brotherhood of Elves.”
6.   The entered value you have reported on these toys and gifts is too low tohave been manufactured in the North Pole. Your financial records will besubpoenaed unless you can otherwise validate the low value claim before yournext distribution season. If North Pole currency, “The Saint Nickel”, was usedin your valuation methodology, be prepared to show its value against the U.S.dollar, the Euro and the Yen at the time the determination was made as NorthPole currency (the Saint Nickel) is not listed by any of the world’s financialmarkets.  
7.   Weare astonished at the number of paternity suits filing in from all over theworld. These suits all start the same way; “I saw Mommy kissing Santa Clauseunderneath the mistletoe last night.” World courts will act with discretion indetermining the validity of these claims; BUT we cannot guarantee that Mrs.Clause will not become aware of them at some point.
8.   TheEPA and equivalent agencies around the world are investigating complaints ofexcessive reindeer emissions (droppings). The fact that some farmers welcomethis will not be considered a mitigating factor when and if the case goes tocourt.
9.   Your“naughty / nice” list has raised more than a few eyebrows. Servicing those onthe nice list while refusing to do business with those on the naughty list is adirect violation of the U.S. Antiboycott rules as well as violating thediscrimination laws in countries in which you do business. The leagues of “NicePolar Bears” in the North Pole don’t seem to mind too much but the league of“Naughty Penguins” in the South Pole is especially outraged.10. Investigationsinto privacy laws have also been opened concerning the allegation that; “yousee them when their sleeping and know when their awake”. However, all of theseinvestigations will be dropped if you surrender the Intellectual Propertyrights to these methods to the CIA, FBI, Mussed, M5, and the KGB.
11. Finally;the red blinking light on Rudolf’s nose interferes with air traffic control andUFO sightings. The FCC, the FAA and the History Channel are investigating. Youand Rudolf will be summoned to Roswell for a hearing on this issue. My advice;do not arrive at these hearings in the company sled.

Until each of the aboveissues is resolved you are hereby ordered to cease and desist your annual toys and gifts distribution or holiday cheer-spreading, as you refer to it. 

Asan aside (not a Trade Compliance issue) the World Health Organization will berescinding your status as a role model due to your weight and poor diet of milkand cookies at every house. This is not the type of example they expect from aperson that children look up to.

Respectfully, 

Scrooge McGrinch
Bah Humbug Division, office of BIS (Big Important Stuff)